After receiving a speeding ticket last month, I made the executive decision to spend all morning today at Defensive Driving School. To the left is the actual sign that was posted. It's times like this that make me glad there is a camera on my phone. I was actually hoping there would be someone at the door handing out mimosas and Bloody Marys. Wishful thinking on my part.
While waiting in line to submit my citation with the rest of the guilty, I recognized the man standing behind me as Johnny, a good friend of Ruben's; and quite a character. If you remember the Captain Caveman cartoons on TV growing up you pretty much get the picture of Johnny's appearance. The only difference is that he is blond, but nonetheless still somewhat neanderthal in appearance. I must also mention that he was the only person in attendance of my wedding wearing shorts. I thought this was hysterical. When he finally made it to the front of the line, he asked the two ladies behind the table where the cocktail waitress was. He asked several times during the morning when the cocktail waitresses were going to show up, much to the delight of the class. We were in a bar afterall.
Class was actually quite interesting. I learned a lot about Arizona driving rules, etc… The most annoying part were a few people who just did not want to be there. There was quite a bit of hemming and hawing, and comments made under one's breath. I, like everyone else, would much rather be doing other things on a Saturday morning but given the choice between paying a huge fine and having my insurance go up, I can sit through a 5 and half hour class. Heck, I may even learn a thing or two!
Sitting two seats away was one of the most arrogant obnoxious 20-something year old guys I have ever come into contact with. Several times he tried to correct the teacher by stating that the information she was giving us was incorrect. At one point it got very heated. I'm surprised she didn't tell him to get up and start teaching the class where he thought he knew so much. Johnny and I kept exchanging glances over this one. The teacher firmly stated that he had a right to his opinion. She stressed the word 'opinion' and looked him dead in the eyes. What does he do? He turns to the class all smug, and announces that the officer that gave him the ticket is no longer employed thanks to him (yet he is still sitting in a defensive driving class –go figure). Apparently he is a lawyer, or so he let the whole class know. He appearred quite young so I'm guessing there was only a shred of truth to this, if any.
Next we talked about DUI. The instructor read off the alcohol levels of each popular drink. The 18 year old kid seated behind me would respond with an 'Ohhhh' or a 'Woooo,' like it was the coolest thing since the Game Boy came out. I was pretty much done at that point.
I glanced over at Mr. Arrogant Young Lawyer and he was keeping himself busy by texting. He spent the last two hours of class texting away. At the end the teacher called each of us in groups by last name to receive our certificate of completion. Mr. AYL apparently was so busy texting that he misunderstood last name for first name. Funny enough his first name really did begin was an 'A.' ('A' for Arrogant) Surprise, surprise. He was so angry. He had nearly stomped back to his seat when Johnny said, "You're going to make one hell of a lawyer, dude." Mr. AYL responded lamely using an expletive that really wasn't fitting to the comment.
I knew plenty of those types at that age. I wonder if in time they softened up. Suddenly they're in their first job after college and they are the shit.
Anyways, I'm glad it's over. Besides that one aforementioned individual, it was actually pretty informative. I learned the following things:
1.) You can pass someone on the right on a regular laned road as long as you don't have any tires touching soil off the pavement and there is enough room for both cars.
2.) You can keep an open bottle of alcohol in your camper while driving (I was always curious about this one).
3.) The school bus I pass every morning that is picking up kids outside the trailer park should have it's stop sign out in addition to the flashing lights. Because of this no one knows when to stop or not. Plus, in addition to the danger it is placing these kids at, it just looks bad. What makes these kids any different from kids leaving from a neighborhood development that does not consist of run down trailers?
4.) It is a crime to give someone the finger while driving. I had no idea on that one either.
So there it is. My Not So Glamorous Adventures in Defensive Driving School. I sure as heck don't plan on attending any class reunions any time soon!