Summoning The Stork – Ready or Not

Hubby and I married in 2006.  We were already in our late 30s when we tied the knot so have been on the fence about starting a family.  We really were not ready at that time and worried that if we ever were ready then it might be too late.  We didn’t share these thoughts with family.  I have noticed, however, that my in-laws have taken on a rather strange obsession with the fact that we have not reproduced.  I’m not sure where this is coming from.  Although it makes me uncomfortable, I’ve learned to laugh at it.  It’s just, well, odd.  I think anyways.

A few months after our wedding the family decided to have a group portrait taken at a local park.  We all showed up and one sister-in-law arranged us in the order she felt best for all.  I was seated next to my mother-in-law, whom I love dearly, but what came next shocked even my ears, and I’m not one to embarrass easily!  She leaned into me as if to tell me something important; a secret if you will.  “I want you to have a baby,” she whispered.  “Oh,” was all I could say.  I mean, how does one respond to that?  “I’ll see what I can do.  How about I get back to you around the 5th?”  Gosh!

In any family gathering it inevitably comes up.  “Why aren’t you pregnant yet?”  I’ve thought of making up some strange story on why but nothing comes to mind.  At least nothing they would actually believe.  It instantly recalls to mind that kings and queens of the early days would be watched during the ‘deed’ to be sure that the heir that was produced was truly theirs.  Lest a scandal ensue.  I have yet to check the bedroom for hidden cameras but come to think of it, it may not be a bad idea!

I really don’t get it and why there seems to be so much concern over this.  They’ve all dreamt that we have a son so therefore I must be having a son  –again, if I were actually pregnant.  I did dream a few times about a daughter.  I dreamt of her having curly hair like mine, my husband’s face and his warm brown skin.  It was actually a waking dream when I swore I could have been awake but know I was still in that half asleep state.  I opened my eyes to see this little girl as toddler in a colorful sundress peeking around the corner of the bed.  I knew she was ours.  I blinked a few times and she was gone.  But this can’t be true.  Afterall, the family dreams and hopes for a son!  Silly me.  😉

New relatives of my husbands have come to our area.  Apparently there was a family meeting I was not aware of.  This new aunt & uncle must have been let in on the reproduction obsession already in progress and hubby came home one day with these little lovelies:

Yes, they are matching his & hers fertility pills.  I just had to laugh. 

We visited with said family over the weekend.  My MIL asked if I had started taking them yet.  No, I told her, and continued munching on the broccoli salad she had served me.  After lunch I cleaned the table and was beckoned into the hallway by said Aunt who also asked if I had started taking the pills yet.  Again I tell her no.  She starts to tell me in a hushed tone when I should take them and when the best time to have intercourse is.  Okay, at this point I’m trying very hard to keep a straight face.  My mind keeps going back to the old Beavis & Butthead cartoons.  “Heh heh.  Heh heh.  She just said intercourse!”

Although parenthood isn’t completely out of the question yet, there is always the question of age.  We are in our early 40s.  If we had a kid now, by the time we are ready to retire, this kid will be heading into college.   

We don’t think much about it.  We go through our days, most of them happy, without giving it a second thought.  I don’t think I’ll understand truly what the motive is behind this strange obsession but I’ve learned to take it in stride.  I haven’t bitten off anyone’s head yet (although theres still time).  I kind of picture if I ever do get pregnant, the entry on my Facebook page.  It might go something like this: Dear Inlaws, you got your wish.  I am pregnant.  My due date is xx/xx/xx.  Please make all checks payable to Mrs. Monsoon.   Now go away.  Thank you for your prompt response in the actions formerly stated. 

–I’d blame my snarkiness on hormones. 😉

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38 thoughts on “Summoning The Stork – Ready or Not

  1. […] Summoning The Stork – Ready or Not September 2010 37 comments 3 […]

  2. This is so funny as I had people asking the same when I got married at age 20! I don’t have my son until I was 23.

    I have my two children and now 5 grandchildren and love them all but having and raising children isn’t what it is cracked up to be…don’t get pushed into something you aren’t ready for.

  3. The manservant is my second husband and I had 3 children with my ex. Very early on I told my new MIL that she could expect “no” grandchildren from our union. She never brought it up with me again – though I bet she mentioned it a few times to the manservant! 🙂

    My eldest son got married in December and I will never ask them when/if they are going to have children. The really funny thing though is that people keep asking *me* “are you a grandmother yet?” LOL.

    • Its a good think you set things straight early. Better the manservant getting an earful from his Mom than you I suppose. 😉

      My Mom is like you. She would never ask me that either. And I am very grateful for that!

  4. Yea, I shushed my in laws about our choice not to have kids. Since my spouse is older and would have less trouble convincing a doctor to do the surgery (And cheaper with less recovery time needed!) – We told them we weren’t having any, the he could no longer have any, and if they wanted to see the test results proving it I’d gladly show them.

    They have accepted this and moved on. lol We even started a trend. I had my Chihuahua when we got together. We now have two and a mutt. “Our Kids” His non-dog family all have dogs now. Even his folks. Go figure.

  5. My soon to be ex-mother-in-law harped on the baby-making for a few years. Until I finally turned to my husband in her presence and said, “Exactly when do you plan to tell her that you’ve had a vasectomy?”

    Awkward shocked silence followed. I excused myself for whatever conversation they would have. She never mentioned it again.

  6. Hey Monsoon:
    In my own opinion I think having a baby is a personal issue between you and your husband only! But I’m believe that having a baby will be the most wonderful experience you will have with your husband and I agree with your friend that “with every child a loaf of bread” so don’t be afraid about the financial issue or the age, so if you’re both healthy and wanting, I’d say have a baby know before there’s a huge age gap and time goes by. By the way I know you only through your writing and your blog but I thing you will be a wonderful lovely mother and your daughter will be a pretty girl with curly hair like you 😉

    Wish you the best Monsoon 🙂

    • Rima, you are such a sweetheart! Thank you so much. Yes, it is a personal decision and I think it somewhat funny that my in-laws have devoted so much time to the subject. Its just weird but at least I can laugh and blog about it. 🙂

  7. I agree with those who said you are very patient (in fact I envy you that). But honestly, these people seem a bit weird.
    If it were my family (as in, we were talking about them here) I would immediately say, that they are threatened by your being unique and strong compared to them and are trying to pressure you into being like them. Humans are like that – be like the group and if not, get harassed.
    IF you could possibly eventually inform them gently it really is yours and your husband’s business only if you have kids, and that it’s okay to not have to be like that, it may shut them up. Then there will be sulking. I like the sulking. I enjoy the slight cold shoulder it brings – YAY – the peopel bugging me now give me some room! Thanks. Then the people giving the cold shoulder come round to their senses (unless they are batshit crazy) and ring up and act like nothing happened – except they have now shut the frak up about the thing they were whinging about.
    My ML bugged us about kids for like two years. Finally I stated, NOT very diplomatically, that I was 46 (at the time) and I did not fancy being 60 and having 14 year olds in the house and would probably kill them in their mid teens. If girls, earlier. (with humour – there was a period of silence and then laughter – oh she’s joking about murder)

    • Wow, GW. I think you hit the nail right on the head. I never thought about it that way but I think you are right. I am different from them. A part of it is cultural and another part is that we were all brought up in different environments. I was raised in a city, Mr. Monsoon’s family was raised on a small ranch/farm in Texas. Our views are so very different on a number of things.

      I definitely pick and choose my battles with them. I’m not very popular with a few of my husband’s siblings because I called them out recently over something that was sent aroudn in an email that was just plain wrong. There is much sulking over that from what I can gather. 😉 How dare I rock the boat!

      I love this:
      “Then the people giving the cold shoulder come round to their senses (unless they are batshit crazy) and ring up and act like nothing happened – except they have now shut the frak up about the thing they were whinging about.”

      Its sounding eerily familiar.

      • So happy to help! LOL – yeah, you are an Eastern girl like me, right? That would be some culture shock from TX small town.
        Kudos to you for calling them in the BS in that email. Dramarama with these people, seems like, is pretty big.I reckon it is in most large families…people egg each other on. I prefer to stay out of it or at a distance unless someone really pisses me off or I see something is unfair, even if it’s to someone else and not me. Family should support each other, but that is usually NOT the case, certainly ot with mine. I remember the point in life where I realised my family not only talked bad amongst themselves about me, they did it to each other as well. Yuck!
        My husband’s family is Scottish. Although they moved to England I think in the 60s or thereafter, they brought the Highlands with them, both the wonderful things and the things that are somewhat behind in the times. His sisters’ and female cousins’ goal in life is to reproduce and stay home. Nothing wrong with that…in any way. Unless it is not what someone wants and then there is pressure to do that. (as is I believe in any case, whether it’s career choice, religion, where you move to, etc) Here comes Masha, unwed till his 30s and then marries an older big city Southern American! Dude…I mean, mate, or even, lass…;)

        • Yep, I sure am! I was born in Boston and moved to the Southwest 9 years ago this week (time flies!). I’m lucky that my own family isn’t the prying type. It seems that a few sister-in-laws (luckily not all of them) seem to be the deciding factor in family matters. ALL family matters. I’ve knick-named them the United Front. There was actually a b-day party over the weekend for my F-I-L who just turned 75. He is suffering from dementia and who knows how long he will be around. The date of this party was supposed to be this coming weekend. Unbeknown to us the date was changed to this past Friday. No phone call, no nothing. My husband was informed on Saturday morning. Apparently there was a beautiful custom invitation that was created announcing the date & time of the party. We never received it. I just think that is so shitty. I could care less but its my husband who I felt bad for. The party was less than 5 miles from our house and no one had the decency to at least call him? We were supposed to give the head of the United Front $50 towards a gift. I told hubby that we should take that money and use it to take his Dad out to dinner instead. It just seems so unfair to my husband.

          Glad to see you are an original East Coast gal too! I was in England in the early ’80s. The country was getting ready for the Royal Wedding of Charles & Diana. I was all of 13. How did you end up meeting Masha and moving to England? That is very cool! I’d love to live in a foreign country. I’m trying to talk hubby into moving to Spain for awhile but he is not too fond of that idea.

          • Spain…luscious food and amazing architecture too. I tried to talk Masha into moving to Australia last Winter. LOL…I hate the cold here!
            I guess they were feeling extra rude about the brithday party. What drama queens they are! And meanies too. They want you to grovel at their power. Sod that…my sisters and cousins and aunts on my mum’s side are like that. I diss them. Apparently they said I am “awful”. LOL! Yep…if awful means not being a wallet sniffer stuck in a bad marriage cause they did not marry for love and basing my self worth on how much my husband earns, and getting Botox and thinking I look good with a frozen face, I choose “awful”. I was briefly married 2006-7 to a real arsehole who they approved of cause he made 6 figures and when I left him for cheating, they said I was “dumb” to leave him. “He only cheated!” Thanks, but I believe they are the dumb ones.
            Which brings me to your question, how did I meet Masha? My mum was dying of cancer, I had decided to leave the arsehole now-ex, and had a blog on vox. Somehow Masha and I met up on vox, commenting about environmental stuff. Later when I thought I deserved a holiday away from everything, I went to the UK alone and emailed Masha and suggested we meet up for a beer. He ended up picking me up at Heathrow. I saw him (I never even knew what he looked like) in the airport and just knew I wanted him. I never stayed in the hotel I had booked (hussy). We had a long distance relationship with both of us flying back and forth, for around 1 and a half years. Then we got married. And I moved here. He would not move to the States. My son was 19 when we married, so that made it simpler for me to leave, and had been away from home anyway since Aug 2007 at university.
            I raised my son on my own and had hoped my ex would be a good father figure – but he was just a liar. But Masha is a great one and my son looks to him for advice, etc. They get along very well and did from the start (whew).
            I was fortunate. I was not even looking when I was leaving my ex – and I met someone! How weird life is. I never had a good lasting relationship with a man till age 44!
            You said you moved out west to go to uni, is that how you met your husband? Is he Native American or Latino? I love both their cultures – I am part Native American (but my family is ashamed of it).

            • Wow, that is amazing how you and Masha met! Vox was such a great place. And what a story you have to tell. I’m sorry to hear about your Mom though. Life is weird. I spent my single years on online dating sites and then came here to Arizona and met my husband in a bar. Go figure. We were both 36 when we met. Gosh, that seems so long ago now! My husband is of Mexican descent. He speaks fluent Spanish and both his parents are from Mexico. That is really neat that you are Native American. I was just on the Navajo Reservation in Utah last month and loved talking to the people there. I learned so much.

              I think as far as my husband’s siblings go, I’ve learned to take them in stride. I speak up when I’m in disagreement with something (they hate that) but I would just get so angry with them. They can be very demanding. In time I’ve learned to come to a place where they just don’t get to me anymore. My mother & father-in-law are great. They’ve never judged at all and they are just truly good people. I have one SIL that I get along well with, too. Thank God for them!

              Thanks for sharing your story on how you both met! That is really neat. Glad to have me you here.:)

              • You met in a bar – fabulous! I bet he is darkly handsome too. And his heritage might explain the family baby pressure. For sure. Sure as my husband’s family and their heritage.
                (let me say again for others reading this, nothing wrong with that choice but is not everyone’s)
                Also glad to have met you here. We plan to go to Bryce Canyon and the Grand Canyon (again for me, first for Masha) at some point in the not too distant future (Australia first). We shall have to meet up! The men will be weird about it, though, I predict. 😉 Kerstin and I met up and had a huge time. There was some drinking, cussin and smokin. And chick flick and tv time. I now have a friend for life in her. We have the same birthday even!

                • Yes, we sure did. He is quite handsome if I do say so myself. 😉 I think I almost fell out of my chair when I first saw him. A girlfriend of mine told me I was lucky I saw him first. I do believe that the whole baby issue is cultural or they are just insane.

                  That would be great to meet you! I do hope that you guys come out here. I haven’t met anyone yet from blogging. There was one girl I knew on Vox from Maryland and she and I drop each other an email here and there. We keep saying we’re going to visit each other but it hasn’t happened yet. I swear she and I live parallel lives. Its uncanny. I am meeting Maureen who is on here in a few weeks. That should be really fun. She is inviting a few other Voxers for an afternoon of picture taking at a local museum.

                  That is so cool that you and Kerstin got to meet. How fun! And you have the same birthday, too! Yes, I do suspect the men to be weird about it as well but they’ll get over it. 😉

            • Wow, that is amazing how you and Masha met! Vox was such a great place. And what a story you have to tell. I’m sorry to hear about your Mom though. Life is weird. I spent my single years on online dating sites and then came here to Arizona and met my husband in a bar. Go figure. We were both 36 when we met. Gosh, that seems so long ago now! My husband is of Mexican descent. He speaks fluent Spanish and both his parents are from Mexico. That is really neat that you are Native American. I was just on the Navajo Reservation in Utah last month and loved talking to the people there. I learned so much.

              I think as far as my husband’s siblings go, I’ve learned to take them in stride. I speak up when I’m in disagreement with something (they hate that) but I would just get so angry with them. They can be very demanding. In time I’ve learned to come to a place where they just don’t get to me anymore. My mother & father-in-law are great. They’ve never judged at all and they are just truly good people. I have one SIL that I get along well with, too. Thank God for them!

              Thanks for sharing your story on how you both met! That is really neat. Glad to have met you here.:)

              • Forgot to say my son and I spent Thanksgiving and several days before-after in the Navajo Nation in 2008. Wow. They completely accepted us, even though he is blonde. I think it was the way we carried ourselves. The food rocked too.

                • How cool is that? I found the people there to be incredibly nice. I wasn’t sure. I live right near a reservation and I haven’t found those folks to be all that friendly. The Navajo Nation though is wonderful. Gotta love that Navajo fry bread! Did you have any while there? My diet needed a serious adjustment once home. 😉

  8. Wow….so personal and prying. I would also be very uncomfortable.

    I’m guessing your husband is from a very traditional family and it doesn’t occur to them that not everyone wants the same things.

    You’re very patient. I love the blame it on hormones line….hehehehehe…that would work.

  9. That is so far over the line of something that is acceptable and polite that I am dumfounded. You have a lot of patience. I know people that would have thrown those boxes back at them and told them what they could do with them.

    My question is, why did your husband bring the pills home? Why didn’t he tell his family to mind their own business? This is his family that is being rude and insensitive to your privacy as a couple and he should be the one standing up to them and saying, “NO MORE!! If you bring it up again to either of us, we will become quite scarce at family gatherings.”

    Does his family think that you are the hold out? What has hubby said about all of this.

    Putting those questions aside, I would want to think up a snarky answer to shut them up…something along the lines of:”We enjoy having sex so much, so often, and in so many different ways that we would not want a big belly in the way!” If that doesn’t render them speechless, then it is time for husband to have a family pow-wow where they are told not to ever mention the subject to either of you again!

    • I used to be really offended by it but now I just shrug them off. My husband has had it out with them on more than one occasion and got pretty upset when I told him what happened over the weekend. They are a persistent bunch! We don’t attend too many family functions anymore. This being one of many reasons. But in all honesty, I don’t really let it get to me any more. I laugh about it because it is so ridiculous.

      ”We enjoy having sex so much, so often, and in so many different ways that we would not want a big belly in the way!”

      I am roflol big time with the above statement Freedom. That is hysterical! I think I may actually say that next time. I’ll let you know how they take it.

    • I agree – very intrusive. My son’s father’s mother was such a handful like that. So weird.

  10. elizabethfrank123

    Oh my god! Jenn, that is mad! I can’t believe they actually gave you them ahah ohhh dear
    Only take them if YOU want to, not them 😛 haha
    Your dream was so ace though, I had a dream the other day that I was heavily pregnant, and in my dream there was a few different situations but in all of them I was pregnant. I also got the feeling that my back was aching with the weight of the baby and needing to sit down, completely crazy.
    I woke up surprised to have a (reasonably) flat stomach!! haha

    • Yeah, its a bit weird to say the least. I’m really bad at remembering to take things, too, like vitamins for instance.

      How strange you had a dream you were pregnant! Not that I’m dream expert here but from what you have described, could it be indicative that you are feeling burdened by something? Just a thought. 🙂

  11. Hello..The idea that you are even thinking anyone could be taking photos without your permission or knowledge is just wow..I suggest you look and see if you are being skittery..and then for god sake..chekc your room..if it makes you feel better..with your husband..I would think..As far as the important thing goes..children..that is personal to you guys..you have one chance..there is nothing like it..it is complicated and unlike anything else I know..little you’s and little husbands..but not really that just makes it more fun and interesting..it is a chance to watch and help and love..I hope you make a satisfying decision..Peace Tony

    • I’m just kidding about the cameras. I don’t think they would really do that (at least I hope not!).

      We would like to have kids (or at least a kid)at some point. I’ve heard its a wonderful experience. I worry for financial reasons but a girlfriend of mine used to say ‘with every child a loaf of bread.’

  12. OH-MY-GOD!! You have my deepest sympathies. Seriously? Fertility pills? I would be deadly embarrassed if I would give these to – anybody, really.
    Boy am I even more glad now that my family has never made an issue about it, and let’s that subject rest. Then again – me being single probably doesn’t make much sense for them to bugging me about it…

    • Yes, it is embarrassing. And a bit creepy I might add! 🙂 My own family never brings this stuff up, thank goodness. I don’t think I could take it from them too. Ha ha!

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