Bittersweet Is For Chocolate Only

So my hubby’s Dad has been in the hospital for almost a week now.  We went to visit him there on Saturday and luckily he seem to be in good spirits.  He still has a great sense of humor during his moments of lucidity.  I’m not sure what to think here.  Something really does feel different this time.  We stopped to visit with my mother-in-law before going over to the hospital and she started to cry.  Hubby and I have been together for seven years and I have never seen her cry.  It really broke my heart.  I could sense her fear.  She and hubby’s Dad have been together for 48 years.  48 years!  My gosh, I’ve been married for almost 5 years and it already seems like a lifetime. 

So we trekked on over to the hospital and while there visiting a certain sister-in-law called and asked hubby if he could come stay with their Dad the following morning for what was supposed to be only a few hours.  Although there is a capable staff of nurses on duty, its been decided that someone from the family should be there at all times.   Hubby also was asked to stay overnight last night at the hospital which he did.  His boss has been very understanding and allowed him to take the day off today.  Hubby got up yesterday early and was at the hospital at 6am to relieve another sister of her post the night before.  He was assured that someone would be there to relieve him at 10am.  At 1pm he called to say that he was still there.  He was annoyed but felt guilty at the same time.  My only suggestion to him was to really be firm with his family in the help that they need so that all parties are satisfied and there are no misunderstandings.  Hubby works full time.  No one else does.  I felt bad for him on so many levels. 

Saturday night we met with our closest friends for dinner.  During dinner they let us know of their plans to move out of state within the next year.  It hit me at that moment that our closest best friends are leaving.  They are more than friends.  They have been my surrogate family since moving here.  I didn’t realize how dependent I’ve become on their friendship until they announced they were leaving.  While I want to support them on their decision of  moving, I’m feeling kind of lost thinking about what life will be like without them.  If hubby and I do have a child, I was going to ask them to be the Godparents.  My eyes filled with tears when they discussed their decision and I quickly blinked those away as we were out celebrating what was supposed to be a happy occasion. 

Its so much harder as you get older, I find, to make new friends.  I’m very grateful to those I’ve met through blogging.  Its been a very strange couple of years friend-wise though.  It seems that my closest acquaintences are moving or have moved.  I remember thinking when I turned 40 that I really had to take a good look at my life and reevaluate my goals going forward into middle age.  Many of my friends are going through that right now, too.  Another girlfriend of mine up and moved out of the country when her son was old enough for college.     I will occasionally get an email from her with a picture attached displaying her smiling infront of a various temple or garden in a foreign locale.  I’m happy for her.  I miss her like hell, but I am happy for her.  I will be happy eventually for my other friends that will move during this coming year.  I’m not there yet –for selfish reasons of course.  There will be happy reunions, that I am sure of.  However, there will be no more inpromptu barbecues on a Saturday night or requests from them for squash casserole at Easter dinner.  Visits will require air travel.  I can already feel the hole their departure will leave in my life and I’m not liking it.  Not one bit.  In time I’m sure that hole will fill up with other things. 

I’m feeling kind of bitchy today.  I worry about my husband holding up now that his Dad is so ill.  He called early this morning to let me know he was on his way home.  When I asked how his Dad was doing,  he said that he was up all night coughing.  There is talk of placing him in a nursing home which pretty much means that this is the beginning of the end.  Last Friday I got an email from a client just complaining up and down about everything which was really unnecessary, not to mention unfounded.  I didn’t bother to respond.  Today I received another email from the person who has now turned the bitch-o-meter up to 10.  I politely responded back that if she didn’t have a question for me or if she needed help with something then I’d be happy to help her.  Otherwise do not bother to write.  She hasn’t written back.  I’ve done a lot for this person to try to help.  I’ve gone above and beyond what we normally do for clients.   I am not the complaint department.  If we had one, I’d give her the contact info.  It would most likely be comprised of a lost call purgatory where one is put on hold while listening to ‘The Girl From Ipanema’ indefinitely.  If only!

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14 thoughts on “Bittersweet Is For Chocolate Only

  1. I am sorry that your father-in-law is so ill and perhaps nearing the end. I hope that things will improve for him, if possible.

    I, too, have had trouble making friends. The women that live near me all work full time. I am usually the only person home during the day. I have a few friends here but most people are very busy. We might email every once in awhile. I would say that my friends here, on the blog, know me better than that. That is one reason that the blog has meant so much to me. I have friends all over the world now and it is a wonderful feeling.

    I know you must feel devastated to lose dear friends, especially when it is a couple. We have never had a couple to do things with. That would be so wonderful. I hope that you will come to know a new couple or a new friend or two. I know loneliness well although I do not like him.

    ((hugs))

    • Thanks Freedom. My FIL is still in the hospital and the good news is that he is expected to pull through. I’m not sure if he’ll be coming home or going straight to an assisted living facility.

      Yeah, it is so much harder as you get older to make friends. I’m trying to look at it as maybe a time for me to do some solo things, like take a pottery class or something. There is gym opening up in my neighborhood that is part of a chain I already belong to. I figured I’ll work on myself for a bit. I guess you never really know what life has instore for you. It will be interesting to see what’s next.

      Blogging has been an absolutely wonderful experience. I so look forward to checking in with everyone every day. Next Saturday I’m meeting Maureen for the first time and she will be the first person I have met from blogging. I’m really looking for to it!

      I’ve got about 10 months to get used to my friend’s move. The initial shock has worn off now luckily. Life is like an every changing kaleidescope and changes on a dime. I’m learning to roll with it but I can’t say I like it very much.

      Hugs back at you! 🙂

  2. I agree it is harder to make good friendships as we get older. I was 43 when I moved from Australia to the US and the only person I knew here was my (American) husband. I still think of my “best” friends as ones I’ve had since childhood even though they are so far away now.

    Perhaps I need to learn how to play bridge! 🙂

  3. elizabethfrank123

    Stay strong Jenn, times are hard right now, but they’ll get better 🙂 promise.
    Thinking of you and your family, Bess

  4. For bitchy customer – yeah, there are just some people who want to bitch and whine and do not really want a solution. Miserable haemorrhoids (crikes, how is that spelled?) on the bum of humanity. I try my best to get off phone/walk away, then let out the steam in my head from them and be cleansed.

    For your in laws, they sure are selfish. Your husband will have to put his foot down. When my mum was dying, my siblings sucked me dry with my being the one who did and paid for everything for her. Jackasses. I actually developed pneumonia after she died from the exhaustion. I was even the one who arranged and paid for the memorial service and cremation. And I just did it – I knew they wouldn’t and they did not help when I did ask. So unless your husband, being a dear hearted person, can develop some muscle in the arm wrestling match with these people, they will continue to do this to him. And it will always, always be something.

    Cheers and chin up. Sorry it is such a sad time. I miss my friends so much sometimes.

    • Thanks GW. I’ve been pretty lucky though with good clients so I suppose I shouldn’t let one crazy person ruin my day.

      I’m not sure what is up with my in-laws sometimes. I just try to encourage my husband to stand firm if he is in disagreement and also to be very clear on how he can help so that it doesn’t all get placed on his shoulders. I’m so sorry to hear about your Mom! That stinks that you were stuck with the burden of the responsibility. No wonder you got so sick!

      Thanks for the well wishes. It was just an exhausting weekend emotionally but we’ll bounce back. I’m sure you do miss your friends, too. Thank goodness for blogging! I’d be really lost without all of you!

  5. I am sorry to hear that you’ve come to a point in life where steadiness seem to “dissolve” slightly.
    And am hoping for the best for both for hubby and hubby’s dad, and also that the transition of your friends moving will be an easy one.
    I’ve read a great saying once, which I of course don’t remember right now – typical, but it was along the line of “friends fall into your lap when you don’t know you need them the most”.
    Something I have been lucky enough to experience many times. So I am sure that you too will find new friends when you’ll need them the most 🙂

  6. I’m crossing my fingers for both your hubby as well as the dad.

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