Getting Back At It

Saturday morning was the appointment that came after the awful decision I had to make last week.  I spent as much time as possible with The Weasely One who was clearly dying.  Hubby was out of town working so luckily a girlfriend came with me.  I suppose I don’t need to go into how painful it was.  The vet staff was awesome though.  They were very compassionate and I noticed during the final moments that both the vet and his assistant were in tears too.  What gives me some peace is knowing that she lived a long life, longer than most ferrets I have known, and also that when things were going awry health-wise that I always seem to come up with the means to provide her with the medical care she needed.  She was a blessing in my life and when the rawness of her loss wears off, I’m sure to be left with wonderful memories.  And not to mention pictures.  She was probably the most photographed pet I’ve ever had.  When I’m ready I will post a slide show of her throughout her life.

So Saturday afternoon I headed down to Southern AZ with the same friend that had accompanied me to the vets.  I wasn’t sure if I’d still go or participate in the race but she convinced me to go anyway, otherwise I’d be sitting in the house alone all weekend.  The race was held in this beautiful area of Tucson.  It was a 7.4 mile loop altogether with a gradual incline leading to the top where once reached you traveled back down.  It was a sunset run and the area was peaceful and gorgeous.  No cars are allowed on the paved road and there is nothing but miles of mountains and desert scenery.  I ran for only 2 miles of it and walked the rest.  After the 2 mile run, it felt like my hips and thighs had been struck by lightning.  I’ve never experienced so much pain while running.  I came close to falling down.  It was frustrating and I actually broke down and cried.  Not a lot because I felt ridiculous being the only runner in tears.  I think a week of not eating, drinking or sleeping was taking its toll.  I surprised myself that I was even able to run that far.

Towards the end, after the sun had set, I happen to look up and see a spectacular almost full moon rising above the saguaro lined mountains.  It was beautiful but seem cruel at the same time considering what I had to do that morning.    

Sunday my friend treated me to a pedicure for my birthday this week.  It is amazing what just a simple pedicure can do for one’s spirits.  We headed back to Phoenix later on in the afternoon.  Hubby got called out to yet another job site so it was a bit difficult arriving home by myself.  Truth be told, I was dreading it.  It’s like pulling a band-aid off your heart.  You just have to deal with it.  I’ve had a ferret in my life every day for the past 15 years.  Yesterday was the first day.  I suppose each day will get better.

22 thoughts on “Getting Back At It

  1. geocacherinkerstin

    so sad to read this post-sorry very late to say this…I need some time to translate english in german…but not to late to give you some hugs from here to you there.

  2. I don’t know what I’d do without my Peanut. She’ll be 14 in June, she’s my precious baby girl. (Chihuahua) But at least if and when somthing ever happens – I’ll still have the boys around. Hope your heart mends soon so that you can look back at those memories without so much pain, just joy in your heart.

    • It definitely does help having another pet around. Although our Abby is really my husband’s dog, a little fetch therapy really helps. Thanks for the kind words.

  3. So sorry for that ‘Hugs’ hope you are better today

  4. I am so sorry to hear this! And I hope you could run off some of the grieve and frustration during your race.
    Sending you a big BIG hug and lots of love.

  5. How very sad, and I know you gave her the best life any weeze could want and more. They are like our children, these animals. I know it was such a hard decision but it was the right one.
    The full moon was for you, I think. If you believe in heaven, the weasely one will be there waiting for you. I believe in reincarnation and maybe she will come back to you as another.
    I also believe my brother’s wife gave birth to my mother reincarnated – the little girl was born only days after mum passed and looks identical to her already! And is a diva, a handful and a half…so there is proof of reincarnation. Be on the lookout and she will find you.

    • Thanks B. I will see her again some day. I take solace in that. I’ve often wondered if they do show up in another form so it is interesting that you say that about reincarnation.

      A woman I used to know had lost her mother. A few years later they took in a stray dog and both the woman and her sister felt something familiar with this dog and they both thought that it was their mom reincarnated. Oddly enough the dog ended up getting the same type of cancer as their mom had died from. And -get this- the dog died on the anniversary day as their mom’s death. It really makes you wonder, doesn’t it?

      I was raised Catholic and while I’m still practicing there is still so much I question. I’ve always been told that animals don’t have souls which I think is really ignorant and arrogant for anyone to assume that.

      But, like you said, I will be on the lookout. I’ll see her again in either this life or the next. That I am certain.

  6. I’m so very sorry for your loss. Our pets are very much a part of our families and I think their loss can hurt just as much as loosing a human family member.

    Give yourself time and don’t minmize your loss.

    The scene of the moon rising over the saguaro lined mountains sounds absolutely lovely. You could still see all this beauty even in the midst of your physical and emotional pain. I think that says a lot for your character and your ability to heal.

    Take care and be kind to yourself. Lots of hugs.

    • Thanks LB. It will just take some time to heal. I’m just going with the flow. I’m lucky that I have my own office at work so I can just close the door and have a cry if it hits me. I’ve heard the only way around something is through it so I’m just going to continue to go with the flow.

  7. I am so sorry. I know that only time fills the emptiness with warm memories, but in the meantime I hope you take comfort in knowing people are thinking of you and wishing you well each day. Big hugs.

    • Thanks Pam. Yes, it will take time. R. is home now from working out of town so that made a big difference when arriving home last night. Thank you so much for thinking of me and for the hugs!

  8. I am so sorry to hear about your Weasely. My condolences – I do understand what a difficult time this is for you. He was a beautiful ferret, rest in peace Weasely.
    What else can I say? God bless and be strong!

  9. Crying for you here. Hugs.

  10. Oh, I am so sorry about this. I am so impressed you ran that race anyway. It sounds beautiful despite the difficult circumstances. You should be damned proud of yourself that you got through it.

    I can’t get over the coincidence – I found out the news about my kitty on my birthday, and I too am signed up for a race. I can only hope I do nearly as well as you.

    These things are always awful. I’m convinced our companions are our allies and our best friends. You were her ally and got through the toughest thing a guardian can do, and that is all you can do for them in that situation.

    It may help to know that sometimes in my experience it’s worse to have a pet after one dies because they are so needy and it takes SO much energy to be a caregiver while you’re grieving.


    • Thanks Emmy. I also thought of you when all this was going down. I started to think this was so sucky that I had to lose her less than a week from my birthday but in all honesty I had 8 great years with her. In some ways her life is the best birthday gift I could have ever received.

      They really are our best friends and love us so unconditionally. It was so hard waking up this morning and not having her follow me around the house while I got ready for work. There are just so many things that have become some familiar like the click of her nails on the tile and the sound of her crunching on her kibble. She was my buddy and great company where my husband works out of town so much. I still can’t believe she’s gone.

      It will be a little while before I get another pet. Hubby is trying to convince me to get another dog. What I really want is another ferret. He’s not keen on the idea but I’m hoping he’ll change his mind. I guess he didn’t realize upon marrying me that I was well on my way to becoming the crazy ferret lady. 😉 Anyways, I’m hoping when I’ve healed from this some that another kindred creature spirit while find their way into my life.

      Thanks so much for the hugs.

    • Shirley Macclaine said her dog is her soul mate. I can see how she feels that.

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