Easter Update & Some Other Stuff

Easter Sunday was spent with friends and their family.  We had a wonderful dinner of ham with 2 types of glazes and many wonderful side dishes.  The day was just perfect temperature-wise for sitting out on the patio with a glass of wine.  We had been invited to a barbecue at a new friend’s home in our hometown.  This was more of a party that was in full swing when we arrived.  I’ve never seen so many shots of tequila downed.  My friend was the perfect hostess.  She offered us more food than we could possibly eat.  Hubby immediately went over to where the men were sitting and stayed there the rest of the evening. 

At one table I noticed a young woman downing many a shot of tequila.  The more she drank the louder she got.  My friend told me she was here visiting from out of the country and was letting her hair down.  I’ll say.  Awhile later I was beckoned by my friend over to the table where La Borracha (drunk) was sitting and hesitantly made my way over.  I knew it would be only a matter of time before it was pointed out that I didn’t look quite like the rest in attendance there.  What’s so dumb is that just because La Borracha didn’t speak English she was too drunk to realize that I understand Spanish.  Nothing like being singled out for looking different from the crowd.  I didn’t think it was time to get into my family history here.  What was kind of funny is that when I was speaking to her in Spanish she still didn’t seem to get that I could understand her.  I ran into my friend yesterday and she actually told me that La Borracha had actually asked if I might be able to help her with her English.  I said, sure.  The first lesson is on AA.  It’s a 12-step program. . .

All in all though, it was a great party.  Hubby enjoyed himself.  I ended up talking to a girl from Nicaragua who I have the impression may have been a mail-order bride but I’m not sure.  There was a show on TV awhile ago on how these older guys take these trips to South America to find a wife.  Her husband could have been a shoe-in for that but I didn’t want to ask anymore.  She was such a pleasant person and very happy to be here.  We exchanged numbers so I hope we’ll stay in touch.

Grief-wise I’m doing okay.  I’ve gotten myself back to the gym and have recommitted myself back to healthy eating.  We did splurge on some most wonderful fried fish tacos Friday night. Oh!  They were so good. 

Today seem to be more difficult for some reason.  I find myself first thing in the morning talking to an empty cage and telling Monsoon how much I miss her.  For the most part I have pulled myself up by the bootstraps but there are still some moments when it feels like lightning has struck my chest.  It moves in waves and I can’t help but think of the weather map before a storm when there are these rows of green bands moving through the sky towards the city.  One by one they come.     And I can throw myself into my work or into the gym all I want.  I know that this is just going to take time.  Thank God the grief goes away in time.  I don’t think I’d ever share my life with another animal if I had remembrance of that all the time. 

I’ve had wonderful support from both friends here and family and friends elsewhere but there is no one that can live the grief for you.  It is a solitary journey.  Hubby has been supportive for the most part but I don’t think he feels at all what I feel; that sense of loss.  My boss, too, bless him, had been wonderful while Monsoon was sick.  He’d come in every morning and pull up a chair for an update.  He’d offer a word of encouragement and hope that she would pull through.  The Monday after she passed though he stayed in his office and I stayed in mine.  We haven’t talked anymore about it.  Men just handle these things so differently. 

We went to the Humane Society adoption center over the weekend.  While there were some adorable pooches there, I didn’t feel the remotest connection with any of them.  I sat down late last week with Hubby and talked about his concerns with our getting another ferret.  He didn’t like the fact that she would get into his things (which really he shouldn’t have left around) and that one time he walked into our bedroom and stepped in some poop.  She had an accident and they were quite frequent the last few months before she passed due to her not being able to get in the litter box.  But again, I explained to him, she was ill.  I asked if we could work out some kind of a compromise and to think about it before answering.  We’ll see.  I find myself getting irritable easily with hubby or at work but when speaking with a client who is driving me batty, I’ll respond sweetly with a smile in my voice but in my head I’m thinking, I don’t effing know (or care)!

But I’ve been down this road before and its true when they say, this too shall pass.

I dreamt last night that hubby was outside cooking on the grill.  We weren’t at our house as it was very green and we were standing under a covered porch.  I stood next to hubby while he chatted away when I noticed a small yellow canvas bag closed with a drawstring hanging from a nail on the porch roof.  A tiny ferret foot could be seen pressed against the inside of the bag.  I knew I shouldn’t be looking at it.  I kept trying to distract myself and tried harder to pay attention to what Hubby was doing.  He didn’t seem to notice (typical).  There was such a foreboding feeling and I had to force myself not to look at it.  Then I woke up.  What the hell was that about???

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16 thoughts on “Easter Update & Some Other Stuff

  1. Yellow can also mean rememberance… And men just don’t seem to notice the important things right under their noses! (Or hanging over their heads..) Tkae care! =D

  2. You have to tell Ms. Borracha in plain English, No. I’m sorry, but I can’t. Learn to say “No”. Otherwise people will take advantage of you. Wanna give some advice? You should just tell her; listen to music in English, and then read the lyrics that go along with the song or watch movies with the subtitles on. 😉

    -The first lesson is on AA. It’s a 12-step program- this almost killed me I was laughing so hard :). Good luck with you new friend from Nicaragua.

    Like you said, it is a solitary journey. Don’t worry, you will recover. Just ask God for strength and guidance.

    Ah Monsoon, it was a dream- wish. It’s simply because the unconscious working of your mind are worried about your current situation…your grief and sadness.

    • Actually it was my friend who had relayed that message. My response? Oh hayl to the no! I’ll drop her off at AA. She’ll be able to kill two birds with one stone that way. (glad I made you laugh, too)

      And thanks for the message about asking God for strength and guidance. I’ve been doing that every morning. Today I’m actually feeling a bit better and I could feel Monsoon’s little spirit in the house. Abby could sense her, too. It brought me a tremendous amount of peace.

      That was just one of many weird dreams I’ve had lately. I dreamt last night that my bank account was overdrawn by $500. I actually thought this had happened when I woke up but was relieved that it was only a dream. Whew!

  3. Can i just say i love the big nice bone. sorry the comments are off in the other post!

    • Isn’t that funny? She loves that darn thing. I’m not sure what’s going on with the latest posts. I’ve seen this on some of my neighbor’s posts as well today. WP must be up to something.

  4. Dream interpretation:

    Ferret

    To see a ferret in your dream, symbolizes distrust and suspicion of others. The dream may also be a pun on searching.

    Bag
    To see a bag in your dream, represents the responsibilities that you carry. If the bag is ripped or torn, then it indicates that you are carrying a lot of burden. The symbol may be a metaphor for an “old bag” and refer to someone who is old.

    To dream of a bag full of junk, symbolizes that you are burdened with worries and problems; you have to find a way on unloading some of this burden.

    Yellow
    The color yellow has both positive and negative connotations. If the dream is a pleasant one, then the color yellow is symbolic of intellect, energy, agility, happiness, harmony, and wisdom. On the other hand, if the dream is an unpleasant one, then the color represents deceit, disgrace, betrayal, cowardice and sickness. You have a fear or an inability to make a decision or to take action. Your desire to please others is at the risk of sacrificing your own needs and happiness. As a result, you are experiencing many setbacks.

    Barbecue
    To dream of a barbecue, refers to a minor issue or transformation occurring in your waking life.

    To dream that you are barbecuing, symbolizes togetherness, relaxation, and ease.

    Husband
    To see your husband in your dream, signifies the waking relationship with your husband and the unconscious feelings you have towards him. The dream may be trying to focus on hidden elements that you are not addressing in your waking life.

    Maybe it makes some more sense now? 🙂

    • Oh my! Thanks for looking all this up Irony. I will have to toss this around in my mind a bit to see if this is fitting to anything going on in my life right now.

  5. I think (and it is totally just thoughts) that maybe that dream is a subconscious representation of your heart’s desires (the bag is the dream you are carrying, and the ferret foot, of course, represents the dream of a new ferret). Hubby is talking and not seeming aware of it because you’re feeling like you two are communicating on this but at some level he’s just not getting how you really feel. I hope your talk about compromising moves you both closer to where you want to be!

    • Thanks Pam. I read this this morning and thought, wow, that really makes a lot of sense. I did talk to him last night more about it and I’m almost afraid to say in case I jinx myself but I think he is close to giving in. He’ll be going out of town to work soon so I’m trying to look into breeders in our area. Unfortunately it looks like most have gone out of business, including the one I got Monsoon from.

      Have you heard anything lately about Marshall Farms? They used to have a really bad reputation but I’ve gotten the impression that they have cleaned up their act over the past several years. They supply kits to the Petcos and Petsmarts.

  6. I had this crazy dream a couple weeks ago about wild bores breaking into the house (it was an older home with a cellar) to have and raise their babies. They were infesting the house like rats. Strange, huh?

    Take care. I know you doing your best to make it a day at a time.

    My situation is very up and down. My company is getting ready to make some big changes and I am having to explore my employment options before I no longer have a choice. I was really hoping I could stay there for awhile.

    • Wow, LB, that is strange! I wonder what a dream book would have to say about that.

      And thanks. Yes, a day at a time. I suppose there will be ups and downs for awhile. Making it through a day without tears will seem like a huge breakthrough. 🙂

      I’m sorry to hear about your job situation. I know how scary that can be. I know for awhile there you were working all kinds of crazy hours so I hope that if you do have to take something else that it won’t take up so much of your time (and they have excellent benefits and plenty of vacation time). I will keep my fingers crossed that the right opportunity comes your way. 🙂

  7. It’s going to take awhile for you to not feel so sad. Many, many years ago, actually when I was a teenager, I had a dog who “saw” me through boyfriends, strict parents and every other trauma a teenage girl goes through. He would stand totally still while I cried into his fur – I’m smiling as I type this as he was probably thinking “God these females are so emotional”!! I still miss him though he’s been gone for about 28 years now.

    I don’t understand any Spanish past “hola” but I “understand” when men are talking about me as I walk past jobsites. I recently said to the manservant I just want to be able to say one sentence: “I know what you’re saying” 🙂

    • I’m sure it is. I was talking to hubby last night and lamenting why couldn’t I just get over this sadness and enjoy the memories already. I suppose it is a process. What a wonderful dog you had. They do really understand when we are sad.

      Sometimes knowing another language is a blessing and a curse. For the most part though I love to see the looks on the faces of those that just said something not so nice after I respond back in Spanish. 😉

  8. I get the Spanish being spoken in my presence and the speaker thinking I dont understand a lot at work. I am actually near fluent in Spanish. (As long as you dont talk about things that I dont know, like well say Fish tanks, or motors. As long as we keep the talk to medical problems, and say…basic foods. I am good.

    It does not seem that you are a dog person…But I’d happily lend you mine for a bit!

    • Fish tanks and motors? LOL. That just struck me as funny. I wouldn’t know that either. I don’t know if I’ll ever be completely fluent but being married to someone who is definitely helps.

      It’s funny. I grew up with dogs but an ex-boyfriend of mine got me hooked on ferrets 15 years ago and I just have never had the same bond with a dog. If we lived closer though I’d be happy to visit with your doggie. And you too!

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