A few weeks ago I had woken up early when hubby was getting ready for work. As it was around the time I was still getting used to Monsoon being gone, the feelings were still pretty raw. I fought the urge to cry and fell back to sleep before I too had to be up for work.
I started to dream that I lived in this ramshackle little house with my mother, sisters and grandmother who passed away in 1994. This little house needed some serious updating but it felt so familiar, as if I had already lived there my whole life. That is one thing with dreams; there sometimes is such an air of matter-of-factness that it almost makes you wonder if you really had been there before. There was something very serene about this place but I know I had never been there.
My animals who had passed away were there too. This included a dog of mine from childhood, Monsoon and one other ferret who passed in 2003. Wherever we were we all seem to be safe.
My grandmother, the quintessential old lady (think Estelle Getty’s character, Sophia Petrillo, on The Golden Girls) was going about her business of making beds and folding sheets. She was dressed in her house coat with the deep pockets that in addition to hiding Kleenex and a pair of reading glasses, most likely contained a religious medal or two. I had gone to the window of her bedroom and upon peering out noticed the sky had that ominous look right before a severe thunder-storm. My grandmother was terrified of thunder and lightning in real life as her brother was killed in a freak accident long before I was born when lightning came through the keyhole of the house they were living in in Nova Scotia and struck the sofa he was sitting on. My second cousin, then a child, was sitting on his lap and was unharmed.
I went to find my grandmother to tell her of the impending storm. She just waved her hand at me and told me that it no longer scared her. I remember feeling shocked by that because her fear had been so deep. As a child we were made to sit in the hallway during a storm while she sprinkled holy water on all present. I’m not quite sure she realized the whole water being a conductor of electricity thing but I’m sure she felt as if it gave her some control.
After her statement about not being afraid anymore, I ran back to the same window and saw that the clouds were dissipating and the sky was an unearthly beautiful shade of blue.
While I believe our dreams are mostly our subconscious moving thoughts to the surface as most dreams I know I can trace back to something going on in my life, it does make me wonder at times if there isn’t something more to them than that. I woke up not feeling so sad and I actually felt as serene as I did in the dream. It set the tone for the rest of the day.
“The stars are souvenirs you never lose. The past is never far.”