More Thoughts on Thursday

On my way to the gym this morning I thought of just driving past and heading up to Sedona to catch the sunrise.  I’d call in sick for work, have breakfast somewhere, take in a hike and then be home in the afternoon, just in time to take a nap.  I abandoned that thought quickly and exited at the proper location. 

Its been quite impressive to see how many folks are now going to the 5am class.  It makes it more fun, too.  One of the exercise we did this morning was using the TRX Bands.  You basically stick your feet in these loops and hold yourself in plank position.  It was really hard at first but by the end I was able to at least stay up on my forearms.  This has been an off week for exercise.  Actually, its been an off week all around.

Here is the picture of what that particular exercise looks like:

 

 

 

 

 

Here’s what it feels like:

 

 

 

 

 

Sometimes I feel like I’ve reverted back to that 4th grade girl in Miss Jean’s School of Dance when I’m being shown how to do something correctly.  I am not the most coordinated of people.  While that middle-aged red-haired witch from childhood was very much into berating one for their shortcomings, Brian, my trainer, never berates.  He is very encouraging.  I’m not sure why I keep thinking of Miss Jean or her sharp British accent while at the gym.  It’s interesting how certain things will trigger memories, and not always good ones. 

Brian pretty much had the whole gym sign up for a 5K this weekend.  In addition to being a great trainer, he is really great at getting people motivated.  There are a few people in some of the classes that have never done one. Even though they said they would probably just walk, the cool thing is that they are willing to go out there and do it.  I like the feeling of being part of that kind of a team.

Here is Smokes with her new ferret stairs.  I’ve very often gotten tired of being the human escalator at 3am so decided to get her this little fake wool lined set of steps so she can easily get up onto the bed.  She has mastered getting up but so far has had some issues in figuring out how to get back down.  Nothing like waking in the middle of the night with a ferret standing on your head.    The stairs will be short-lived though.  I was just about to climb into bed last night when I noticed she had left a present on my pillow.  Thank goodness I noticed before climbing into bed and resting my head on said pillow.  Ugh!

Abby seems to be a bit like her old self.  I haven’t noticed too much evidence as of late that she has been sleeping on the couch rather than her own bed.  One Saturday morning not too long ago, as I lay in bed sipping my coffee, Abby appeared in the doorway wagging her tail warily, as if to say, may I come in?  I glanced at her with her seal pup eyes and her pinned back ears, and then patted the bed next to me.  In two strides and a jump she had settled in next to me with her head on my tummy.  I told her I was sorry for being mad at her.  She peered up at me with those soft brown eyes as if to say, it’s okay Mom, I understand.  Indeed, she did.

Ana is coming up for two weeks this month.  I’m not sure of the dates yet but I will be happy to have the company.  The ex was over cleaning out some of his things from the guest bedroom last week.  My dirty laundry is also kept in a hamper in that room.  He yelled out that I really needed to wash my gym clothes.  I yelled back that what he was smelling was the sweet smell of determination.  The hamper will also be relocated to the laundry  room before Ana arrives.  Something tells me she won’t exactly be in agreement with that statement. 

Last Saturday was the supposed day of beauty.  I didn’t feel quite as satisfied as I usually do when leaving the salon.  While I know this is silly, my hair had been waist length.  It is still long (half way down my back) but having that much cut off (although it needed it) left me feeling naked or something.  I don’t know.  There’s been enough changes as of late and I just wasn’t ready to part with that much hair as strange as it may sound. 

I had dinner with a girlfriend last night.  I almost canceled because I was not in a good mood.  Lately I’ve made a lot of mistakes at work and although I tried to think of everything that has gone right, I still beat myself up over it.  My friend asked me how I was doing with everything going on and I lost it.  She, in turn, started to cry, too.   And I think, damn, I just want to be happy!  I’m so tired of feeling this way.  I want to be laughing with my friends –not crying.  She suggested I go to counseling but the gym has really been my counselor.  I can take out all my anger and frustrations there.  We hit a punching bag this morning and when I took my gloves off my hands were bleeding.  I managed to split the skin on both hands between my pinkies, ring fingers and middle fingers.  Surprisingly enough they don’t hurt right now.  They’re just a bit red.  What a way to take out frustrations. 

Anyway, the week is just about over.  I’m always grateful for that.  Its like reaching Friday is another accomplishment.  One more work week down.

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7 thoughts on “More Thoughts on Thursday

  1. PS Work – being centred and in the moment (which helps not make mistakes) – try reading a bit on zen. It helped me tremendously.
    Zen for Dummies is where I started then took it from there. It teaches living in the moment, that the past is gone and the future does not exist, to pay attention to what you are doing while doing it (a problem I have always had) and other useful things like that.

  2. You will be happy again, I know it, because you’re strong. How sweet with the dog, all animals do tend to act up when there are big changes, and ferrets peeing on pillows is included. Abi is good protection – I bet she has a hell of a bark.
    I have a small piece of advice,hope that is ok: Get your locks changed and also tell the ex he has one last opp to come get all his stuff and that’s it then, he is out of your life for good. It’s what he deserves, as well as will cause you less tress and anxiety.He can not just show up ever either, he has to make an appointment and you meet up with him in a public place. If your car breaks down again, call someone else. (get AAA coverage, it’s cheap and handy)Your home is your sanctuary away from stress and problems. No matter if you now get along with him or not (and he found a way to insult you whilst he was there), he will always be the man who treated you with disrespect and took your for granted. Not a friend.
    Sorry, I speak from experience on that one. You can tell me to shut up. : )
    Love the stairs! Little cow that she is!

  3. I need a gym like that! 😀 😀 Except, you could never convince me to run. I posted about my high school track experience some time ago, but to say the least, running now terrifies me. XD LOL! I’m sure you will start laughing again. You’re amazingly motivated and working hard! 😀 You’re an inspiration. 🙂

  4. I am sure you will get through this. Try and figure out the triggers, which make you sad…and avoid those things. Eventually the pain will fade, but it will take time. You just have to hang in there in the meantime.

    Smokes looks so cute! Poor Abby, she must be sad, too. The pets (and children) are always the most hurt after a divorce.

    Good luck and take it one day at a time! Try to focus on just today and doing something that you enjoy doing today.

  5. Cutest ferret pic yet!

    I’m glad Abby is doing better, and that you two made up. I’m sure the split has been hard on her, too.

  6. Hang in there, keep going to the gym. You are still very early in what is a HUGE life change. THing will get better. Have a nice 5K!

  7. Aww Monsoon. I am so sorry to hear that you feel this way right now. I haven’t been through what you are going through, but I think I know the feeling. And then it is so easy to feel even worse when things happen like mistakes at work, where we want to do a good job.
    What helped me to turn it around when I had it like that is taking a calendar and write down at least one good thing that has happened that day. Sometimes I would feel so bad that I really had to think. But I would find something. And normally it didn’t take more then a week to turn my state of mind and emotion around.

    Otherwise I just hope that the workout gets you into a better place!

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