This post has been brewing in my mind for a while now. The hardest part is finding time these days to actually blog. I no longer take breaks during the day which has placed a damper on my blog efforts as of late.
The ex left about a month ago to work in a northern mid-western town. I took the morning off to have a final breakfast with him. It’s funny how you don’t know how you are going to feel until certain events unfold. I didn’t cry or get emotional. My whole body breathed a sigh of relief that he was gone. Not just down the street, but thousands of miles away in a town with a population of 97 people.
There are days when I am so angry I could punch holes in the wall. Then there are days when the silence and peace in the house and just in my normal life is so prevalent that I could cry from the sheer joy, however, crying would mess with the peace that now sustains me, so I refrain.
In April, on my birthday, I made the final payment on my beach cruiser bicycle. I’ve spent countless evenings riding along the canals which has turned into the ultimate secret to an amazing night’s sleep. During the rides I think so much of the past insanity and again breathe a double sigh of relief that that particular door is closed. I think a lot about marriage and what my thoughts growing up on marriage were. I try not to be bitter by my past experiences. Marriage has always been something I have held in high regard. Back in my dating years I would never date a married man, although I have girlfriends that did. I have a girlfriend now that insists that all married men will cheat. Well, hell, if that is your attitude then what do you think is going to be attracted into your life?
While my own marriage hasn’t worked out it has not changed my view on marriage. It is something precious. When you are partnered with another person you are entrusting that person with a piece of yourself. A big piece of yourself. And vice versa. It’s so important to choose wisely. In my own marriage I would have been far better off trusting my dog, Abby, to guard my steak. But I digress. I still see it as holy.
More than a decade ago I dated a Parsi man of the Zoroastrian faith. He told me about the fire temples in India and how they housed the holy fires that were started many years ago by a single lightning strike. One such temple existed in Yemen. I had to look this up online today because I couldn’t remember the whole details of what he told me. According to the website, Yemen became a communist country. It was decided that the holy fire needed to be brought to India as there was too much pressure to close the temple. To make a long story short, many arrangements were needed to transport this fire. Despite the dangerous risks, Air India flew the fire from Yemen to India after many negotiations between the two countries, mainly by Mrs. Indira Gandhi herself. When the holy fire arrived in India, many Parsi families greeted the jet at the airport. Only those of this faith are allowed to gaze upon the fire.
I only bring this up because when I think of the faith the Parsi’s have, it is in much the same way I view marriage; sacred, serious, holy. I doubt I’ll ever marry again, however, my respect for the union remains.
Life has changed so much just within the past month. I joined a group that gets together and plays board games every so often. I have made a few friends as well. It’s now been three months since I joined the boot camp gym and I see myself changing. I feel so strong!
Races are done now until the Fall. The last one was in Sabino Canyon in Tucson which was 7.4 miles. By the last mile I could feel the curve of the street through my feet. We returned to the canyon the next day to do some sightseeing. Although this was my third year attending the race, it’s amazing how much you miss when you are running. It’s such a beautiful place. All the cactus were in bloom, too.
I’m trying to plan a trip to Florida this Fall with some Boston girlfriends. There is a 10k going on right near my aunt’s beach house. I sent a note out to the girlfriends in question and so far haven’t heard back yet. Hopefully it will be something they will all want to do as we have talked about meeting somewhere to do a race for a while now.
So much going on and so little time to write!